I guess my point now is that, I am the only one who can change who I have become. Seriously, it came pouring down on me the other night. I am the one constantly putting myself in awful positions. There is no one to change any of this but me. I need to get up, I need to start bangen out projects that have been hanging over my head for months now. When was the last time I truely put together something I was completely proud of? I can't remember that time, its been too long. This is a post I will without a doubt look back on and probably delete but I needed to put these things down somewhere. I need to get these thoughts out of my head so I can start thinking clearly again. At least we start decorating the tree tomorrow, and I will finally meet david and his tovah. hopefully soon I will start coming up with more blog worthy things. being 21 is the age for change I suppose. The age for getting over things and taking handle on ones life. At least for me that is.