I guess my point now is that, I am the only one who can change who I have become. Seriously, it came pouring down on me the other night. I am the one constantly putting myself in awful positions. There is no one to change any of this but me. I need to get up, I need to start bangen out projects that have been hanging over my head for months now. When was the last time I truely put together something I was completely proud of? I can't remember that time, its been too long. This is a post I will without a doubt look back on and probably delete but I needed to put these things down somewhere. I need to get these thoughts out of my head so I can start thinking clearly again. At least we start decorating the tree tomorrow, and I will finally meet david and his tovah. hopefully soon I will start coming up with more blog worthy things. being 21 is the age for change I suppose. The age for getting over things and taking handle on ones life. At least for me that is.

21....wooo right?

I am having my very own Carry Bradshaw moment. At this time there is only three days separating me from being twenty-one, and I am in a place that is very different from where I originally saw myself. Call it a pre-birthday breakdown but I am having a panic attack. I mean I had thought by now that I would be with a man, a good man. Or at the very very least a man... not single still. I can tell you right now blog, I do not want to be one of those women who have their first child when they are 35. I'd like to have my first kid before I am thirty. I have been dating since I was 14, I am tired of this crap already. I have substituted the best I can recently. Buying guys sweatshirts, because I love wearing mens clothing. and another way I have coped to be completly frank with myself of course I have developed some unhealthy close relationships with men that were never going to be anything more than a friend to me.
So here I am, its 12:48 a.m. on the 14th of December single, and tired of being that way. This up coming year I am embarking I am changing nearly everything. Maybe its the fact that I think since what I am now isn't working that i need to be someone new. I am going to loose the weight and become more motivated this time. This time is different. This time I don't have my whole life a head of me. I have a good chunk left maybe...hopefully. We'll just see where I end up.

i am a horrible blogger. i am sorry dearest bloggy

new ideas for youtube videos make my day better.

Nooooveemmberrrr

I hate it when people mess with my pattern, my groove, my comfy rut. I like sitting at the same table and going the same places. When it comes to school at least. Because in a place where it is so crazy and there are a million people here and I commute its nice to have a space I can slightly identify as mine. A place that is familiar. I am always looking at new places to establish as "mine". I know that I have gone to OU for a very long time now and I should just be used to sitting where ever and having a million people all around me. But still I like sitting in the same place. But regardless I cannot control the actions of others, nor can I ask her to move because this is a public area and it is first come first seat. Boo.
So on the Nanowrimo front, here is what I decided, I would opt not to do it. Here are my various reasons as to why:
A) I do not have all the time in the world to write. As much as I wish that it was the case its not. I have school, work, and commitments. I wish I could just sit and write forever but I cannot.
B) I didn't plan out a novel at all. I have no storyline, no characters, not even a setting. I felt horribly unprepared for it.
C) Short attention span
D) I can barely stand to up date my blog more than two days in a row. How am I supposed to write 50,000 words in 30 days?
So, rather than doing Nanowrimo I am going to push myself to do something different. I am going to update my blog almost every other day. Provided I have something worth documenting in my life. But November is a fairly busy month for myself I think I will do well. Whether I decide to update those posts to livejournal every time I don't know yet. But we will see. I also am going to start going through and editing my older livejournal entry's. And putting them on my own privet computer journal. I think I may start adding more meat to them. Not changing them of course but going back and fixing misspelled words, some grammar. Maybe even adding some of my own personal footnotes looking back on the situation. I am actually rather excited by this project. Revisiting my past always interests me.
Well, I better log on to stupid Aleks and start filling in the blanks I've left for myself. bleh So boring. Or maybe I will start editing the project now. So ToRn!
love you bloggy bloggg

Why?

Okay, why don't people understand that playing their music out loud on their computer for the whole world to hear is impolite? Its not like I am letting Julia Nunes blast out of my computer for the whole world to hear. No I am using my headphones like a good person. Guess what not everyone wants to listen to your throwback to middle school right now. Actually, I am now mentally and bloggally judging what kind of person you are. Just so you know. But I guess you will never know because A) there is no chance you read my blog and B) you won't even know I am talking about you even if you do read my blog. Because of course as the dumbass you are you would never think that I could be talking to you. Alright I will amend the fact that you are playing a song from Mulan, a song which I was singing just a few days ago at work. Mainly because of this video . But you singing along with it isn't necessary. Just let the world be. I am glad you have no self shame to prevent you from doing this and I am sure that this quality will help you in your life but in order for you to continue living that life I mentally urge you to SHUT UP!
I actually started this blog entry with other intentions, I even started planning it out. But the dumbass' at the table in front of me provoked in me rage and anger. ugh, well the Mulan thing dove tails nicely into one of the biggest topics I wanted to discuss. I don't know how well its known but the Disney company has a college program that has paid internships. There are thousands of positions open for all majors. I want to apply for it. I have yet to watch the 40 minute introduction video but I will when I go downstairs to use the computers in the lab. I think that it would be a great opportunity for me to get out of Michigan and find out who I am when taken out of my comfort zone. But of course there are many thousands of tiny details which prove difficult. The short list including, being away from my family for longer than I ever have before. Now I am admittedly a strong person, however that is when in my comfort zone and with my own bed to return too. Once taken out of that comfort zone and being put with complete strangers it is a slow process for me to regain that out going personality that I would like to think I am semi well known for. Then there is the bigger issue of what would doing this internship mean for my major. I am a elementary education major, what job could they need me for. How would this be beneficial towards my college credits? And then finally we have the glaring thought of work. I already have a good job where I typically get my pick of classes because I am one of the highest ranked. I know other people take time of for school and then end up getting screwed for hours once they return. Do I really want to have to face that problem. I don't thinkg they should hold me punishable for this because I took some time away from the job. I have worked year round for them. Five days a week, doesn't that mean anything anymore? Then there are the tinier problems of where would I get my medication? Would I bring my car down? Would this be a positive experience for me? Is this a good use of my time? And most if not all of this pivots on the point of weather or not I even get excepted. And I basically see myself getting hired as a lifeguard there or something. But who knows maybe I am completely wrong about this. I mean I have been wrong before... even thought I deny the fact. But the one thing that rings completely true is that I really wanna try for it and I feel like I would regret it if I didn't because it really is kind of a now or never thing for me. Dearest bloggy...what do you think?

How did I manage that?

The question on my mind and finger tips today is: How did I manage that? If I were to look back to a week ago, I was having a massive panic attack. Freaked out about how far behind I am. Or was really, I have caught up some. I still have so much work to do on math its not funny. everyone around me seems to be understanding it and I seem to be, lazy. When I leave math I feel completely ready to do the assignment. Problem with that is she doesn't post it up until 4 pm. So while time goes by I become less enthusiastic as I begin to do other things like read for my English class. We read an article called, "Writing Blind" by Margaret Atwood. And we had to pull one or two quotes that stuck out to us while reading. I ended up pulling I think four.

I just could not choose only one. Here are the ones I picked:

• "The word should is a dangerous one to use when speaking of writing. It's a kind of challenge to the deviousness and inventiveness and audacity and perversity of the creative spirit."
• "Those little black marks on the page mean nothing without their re-translation's into sound. Even when reading silently, we read with the ear, unless we are reading bank statements."
• "They will not put up with your lassitude or boredom: If you want their full attention, you must give them yours."
• "From listening to the stories of others, we learn to tell our own."

Many of those quotes couple well with my own personal thoughts on reading and more likely writing. These thoughts of hers are almost an exact translation of how I have felt for a while. Its like she was eavesdropping on my inner monologue. And then we have John Ciardi, he is an English teacher. We were to read an excerpt from a speech he gave at an English conference.

The quote I picked from his little thingy was, "And yet, though it seems paradoxical, creativity cannot spring from the untaught". This made me think really hard about everything I had began to believe. Is the only reason I am creative that I have been taught how to be creative? I guess I can agree that without being taught about what has been written or done that I would have ended up copying or repeating an idea. But I would really like to think that was born with this creative potential inside me. Unless he means that without being taught we could not adequately voice, or show our creativity. I don't know but I would love to hear the opinions of others. I think I may make a video response to 5AG and pose this question. I think they might like it. Who knows maybe they will actually respond.

NaNoWriMo is approaching soon. And I am so excited for the idea of it, however the actual feasibility of it seems impossible. What with school and everything. I think I might reach out to my newest mentor, one of my English professors and ask her opinion. Or even just fill her in on it if she hasn't heard of it already. I think that I feel as if I can do this whole 150 pages in 30 some-odd days thing, that I would have the confidence to try harder and make more of myself.

Ta-ta my dearest bloggy blog.

Oh, my heart I want you to be strong,

I want you to be all I believe in. So, I am slowly starting to climb out of this hole. Like really slowly. And the way i have been doing this is by cutting down on sleep. How healthy. Although, the speed I am moving at now I should probably double, possibly even triple. So after waking up confused because I couldn't remember what day it was, I ran through the energy I had before I even got into my car to drive to school. Half way to school I caught my eyes drooping. Not safe. So I promised myself that I could sleep in the car for a half hour before class because for whatever reason I get to school like an hour early. So safely parked I turn the car off and keep the radio on and lean back trying to sleep. Except every two minutes a car would go by with their headlights on. Or someone near me would slam their car door. And lastly I learned that my car seat is not comfy enough to sleep in. Poop.

So I walk to my class where I know what's coming my head bobbing up and down because I am so near sleep just sitting there trying to take notes. But this stupid condition only lasts until the end of that class then I am ready for a walk to the O.C. where I continue to fight to pull myself outta my hole. The attempts I have made are small but worthy of mentioning.

I can only hope to come out of this strong. I can only hope to come out of this passing. gah stupid stupid stupid mistakes I have made. I think I am much less overwhelmed now. Now I am just annoyed with myself.

I am gonna type up a quick list of things I need to remember.

-Buying new moon midnight tickets.

-looking into macs

-finishing homework

-emailing those people

-Finally mastering APA format.

Where the hell is the volume control???

Alright, I have screwed up. I have screwed up in the past sure, but not to this level of idiocy. I have to call upon every amount of brain power I have to climb out of the pit of crap I have ever so nicely thrown myself into. So for the next two months I am going to have to go work harder than I ever have in a semester. Seriously this is so stupid. I cannot believe I just let this happen. And of course its happened at the worst possible time ever. Not saying that there ever is a good time for this. But whatever. I shall prevail, I hope.
Have put even more thought into doing NaNoWriMo even with this massive set back I allowed to occur. I really want to try doing it. And who knows maybe if I push myself to complete all the mandatory nonsense in my life I could get a good short novel on it. Maybe by using the lessons I have learned thus far in college. Or more exactly the lessons I have learned about myself in college. Now part of me is yelling inside my head, " Jenny! What the hell are you doing being in the computer lab typing up a blog entry? We have a ton of crap to wade through. And Fast!" And to my inner voice I reply simply, I need this. And that is true. Being able to write down exactly how I feel during a stressful point in my life has helped. And I kind of reguard this and all of my former blogs as a road map, looking for old pitfalls and avoiding them with the rage of a thousand suns. Or looking for signs of good things and craving there arrival more than I crave a non-stuffed nose. So basically I justify this time spent on the computer as a preventive measure against letting this happen again.
Another perk that has happened from my blogging is that my typing speed and spelling has improved. I now can type at the speed my mind works. Which is nice when you have ADD coupled with Dyslexia. I think this will come in handy later when I am trying to type up a few papers in time that it should not be possible in. Thank god for my ability to pull all nighters and still be able to edit my work as I am doing it. Is that weird? To edit while you write for the longest time my English teachers would say write first without criticism, second with your editor hat on. And I have never been able to comply with that. Blame it on the whole Dyslexic thing, I mean for years while taking notes or doing math problems I have had to stop and think about what I am writing realize a mistake in a matter of seconds and correct it for time saving and so I can keep up with the lecture. Or finish a test on time. So it is just my nature to edit what I write right away. I need to fix things that are super noticeable because knowing me in my rushed state of proofreading I will miss it and damned if I don't get points marked down.
Something I really have to just get out of my system is this program called Aleks my math class has to use. And it's not just my math class but all math 112 classes at OU. Taking a step back and only getting a brief description of the program makes it sound useful and helpful for the student. But if one was to venture further into the topic, one would discover that it, like so many things existing in the real world *cough points at self* is flawed. How is it flawed? Well, there apparently has been a break down in communication when it comes to the combining of in class lecture and the actual homework that is written and assigned on Aleks. Because For the past month and a half I have attended every class every lecture and every exam. I have even gotten extra help, but as soon as I sit at the family desktop to do the online homework it is as if someone has reached into my head and scooped out all the knowledge. I have now narrowed down the problem; It comes in two parts. The first part is that the notes we take and the group work that is done in class is far more simple than whats on the program. So with a false sense of confidence my classmates and I sit at home screaming because we thought we knew what we were doing an here comes a computer program that I sometimes feel was designed to suck the will to be nice out of my soul. The second part is that the homework won't even be nearly close to what we did in class that day. And while a teacher might justify this by saying we have a day and half to do it, and we can turn it in more than one time and they will take the highest grade. I will reply to that with this sentence that has been used a million times before, thus making it in my opinion tired and worn out. "I have more going on in my life than just this one class. I do not have all the time in the world to devote to your class." How will I do well if the homework repeatedly screws me out of the littlest bit of hope?
And lastly I leave you with this. School is not the most important thing in the world. Work is not the most important thing in the world. Your sanity is far more important. Find what keeps you sane. For me it ended up being a lovely combination of blogging, vlogging and swimming. Oh, and screaming as loud as I can when no ones home helps too.
I am off to go read more on authors who are not really engaging me mentally. If only there was a class based off youtube. I would surely ace it.

Skype, expanding, decreasing, trying to be better. NaNoWriMo

As I sit in the place that I am in, (trying to be vague is not one of my strengths) I am searching my soul for the motivation to start on the pile of homework I have let stack up. And no where within my soul or mind can I find the motivation I need. I am so unmotivated on the topics of my classes. I have no drive to write on these topics. Nor do I care deeply for what my professor is trying to convince me is "modern" lit. She sees modern as something that happened within the span of the past 100 years. Where as I see it as something that came out within the last year. The types of books I am drawn to study and love is current. It is astounding how many new books have come out just within the span of a year. And most of them go relatively unnoticed. Unless they are highly controversial. It is within me to wager that without the influence of youtube I would have never ventured to find John Green and his amazing writing. (seriously guys check him out). Soon NaNoWriMo will be upon us. What is NaNoWriMo you might be asking. Well it stands for National Novel Writing Month. Where during all of November writers of all ages and abilities set out to write a 175 page or 50,000 word novel. In a month. As NaNoWriMo gets closer I am toying with the idea of trying it. I know that most people will tell me a few different things, such as: Jenny you have never written anything longer than 12 pages and that was for a class. The longest story you have written is four pages maybe. And finally possibly the most rational of these, what about school. you have fallen behind as it is.
And to those inquiries I reply, I know. The thing is for my NaNoWriMo project I think I will make it my own project. Over the years I have kept several no so consistent journals. It has always been an idea of mine to combine as much as I can and turn it into a fairly coherent auto biography narrative by myself. With a few side notes to explain more. But then again, this is just an idea I haven't even nearly begun to map anything out. And I think it is safe to say that I need to get all caught up on school work before I even consider doing this. I think I am taking a pretty mature approach to this. It has always been a dream of mine to write a book, novel, children's book. I do not want to only be a writer as a job. I want to teach, however the soul can want more than one thing.
I joined Skype finally. I have no idea what the hell I am doing with it. But like everything else I will work with trial and error. I wish more of my friends actually used it but for right now I have my hands full trying to get David to join.
This past Wednesday I got my blood work back from the doctor. My sugar levels were higher than they expected. Of course they want me to go back and take another test this time fasting before they take the blood. I went onto webmd just to try and find out what high blood sugar could mean. Well the number one answer I found was Diabities. Most likely type 2. Now I only have like 2 out of the 8 symptoms. Which I guess is semi comforting. However, this feeling of overwhemling doom is hard to shake off. Evan feels that I am being to sensitive. I don't know if that is completly true. But I guess its true that I had a large breakfast before that appointment because I didn't know they needed blood work. I have not felt like myself completely since I had ecoli. I guess only time will tell as to if I will get better or not. There is probably nothing wrong with me but that I am over weight and really could stand to lose some. Bleh. Well, I will cross that bridge when I reach it I guess.
Good day dearest bloggy, Now that I have updated you I feel that I can now push myself to do my homework!
Jennifer.

new blog today. without a doubt.

Hangin out in the fancy bars, with the boys who play guitar

I should be doing a lot of other things right now. I should be writing up the script for one of my first ever completely planned out videos. I should be reading a book on how to argue properly or a book that discusses Americas Religious Illiteracy (its actually been really good so far). Oh and I should be studying for my first math exam that is next Thursday but instead what am I doing? Blogging. Of course, because apparently the inspirations to blog only can come at the most inopportune times.

Of course I would sit down and read the other blogs I follow and be hit with the craving to write. I crave writing almost as forcefully as I crave food after a stressful day. Yes, I am being honest with myself, I stress eat and avoid my problems. Not the healthiest idea for a girl my size but hey, at least I can come out and say it online. Now if only I had the strength to admit it to my parents, or the strength to find a solution. The fact that I have accepted that I am fat and that I have found that I really don't have a problem with that, is not making this any easier. Admitting it is the hardest part people have told me. Uh, No. The hardest part is fixing it and sticking to a plan. Because I am sorry but an elliptical machine doesn't do it for me like a double cheese burger with onions.

Aside from my issues of replacing stress with food, and my overwhelming habit of blogging when work should be getting done. Life hasn't been too terrible to me, thus far, I still have the rest of today, Saturday and Sunday to get through.

I am actually really excited about a few things; Halloween, Buying and subsequently reading John Greens books, ( I am really trying to find books to read for enjoyment again), Thanksgiving (not for the food, for the David who will be returning to the area, which is near my house), and the New Moon movie,(drools and shakes with anticipation).

If you don't know who John Green is that's cool, He is one half of the team known as the Vlogbrothers, and he is made of awesome. He and his brother Hank started the Vlogbrothers channel and the Nerd Fighter network. Now a Nerd fighter is not someone who runs around and beats up nerds no no no. A nerd fighter is a nerd who fights for awesome and to deplete the world wide levels of suck in the world. ( I know that it really sounds like I am making this all up but I am not.) I am a self proclaimed Musical/ Choir Nerd. John Green has written three books, all of which I plan on reading in my spare time: Paper Towns, Abundance of Kathrine's, and Looking for Alaska. And I want them all in paper back...here's why, I like paper backs way more they are lighter, easier to carry and typically smaller in size.

Fun facts that contribute to my love of John Green.

-He hates unicorns

-His dog Willy

-His adoration of his wife the Yeti

-And the use of the Bonly (a combination of the words best and only.)

Everyone should go check him and his brother out. You will not be disappointed.

Listening to love songs just to break my own heart

Sitting at my favorite desktop computer in my schools tech center. I love this computer. I don't care if is weird to love a piece of machinery. But I love it. The screen is very big and lovely, it does not shut down on me randomly while I work. It plays the videos I need to watch without being laggy and gross. But I did not set out to write this blog as a tribute to the beautiful mac desktop.

I wanted to get my own personal voice written down before I have to go and write about stuff I care less about. Well, I think I will do this blog bullet point style because I am supposed to meet Jenny L. upstairs in like ten minutes.

-I have always struggled with math. And now since I want to be a kindergarten teacher, I have to take a few math courses and my college happens to be one of the most difficult colleges to take and pass math at. LAME LAME LAME LAMEEE Needless to say I have been stressed and working really hard in order to do well.

ughh I don't have enough time to do the rest. You know what I will put it into the new video blog I am going to film and edit tomorrow and tonight. Crap I wanted this to be better than it is going to end up to be. I promise a better one will be coming out soon!

hayleyghoover is the reason I write.

A bold statement to be made I know blog, but it is true. Until about a year(ish) ago when I began following her I hadn't felt the need to vlog or blog. I mean I used to blog a lot back when everyone had a livejournal and it was what you did while being in high school. But somewhere back by my Junior year I stopped. most likely because I felt I had nothing left to write and because of the wonders that are myspace and facebook. But now I blog semi regularly. Only when I feel that there is something important for me to type or when I have a topic I wish to discuss. Primarily by myself. People think that talking to yourself is a sign of mental instability when it is my opinion that it is a health way of discovering how you feel about something. Like take me I am actively narrating what I do on a semi weekly basis. Being able to write things down and see them brings forth a whole new level of understanding for me. Words can trigger anything in my brain. I am working on a video now about how my mind works. It is a slow process, mainly because of school and work. Oh, that and the fact that my laptop is not the most reliable object in my life. I think that it is easier to be honest with yourself when it is only you that you have to answer too. Not a shrink or a parent, because it is easy to lie. Lying is something I am good at. Its not like I wanted to be good at it, it just came naturally. However, I cannot lie to myself. I know what is true and what is untrue. No matter what comes out of my mouth. This theory of mine only came to be true once I started to blog again. And the only reason that happened was because of miss.hoover as I call her, though I know I am not the only one. After seeing her new video weather it be on 5AG or HayleyGHoover I feel inspired and slightly ashamed that I am not doing something more creative with my life. I really could do so much more. At least that is what my determination tells me. I will strive to be Hoover-esque. I will not copy I will just do what I believe Hayley does, be creative, be original, be yourself, and do whatever you think is funny. Write thoughtfully, analyze critically and don't be afraid to be honest.

Even if Hayley never reads this, which I kinda doubt she would happen to stumble upon it I am happy with what I wrought. Now I will go to my Composition class then get some Stromboli. Because honestly what is better than some pizza rolled up with cheese just pouring out and ranch dressing. God I love ranch dressing.. nom nom

Oh and lastly I would like to point out that I love Mac desktops way more than the mac books. The one I'm on now at school is beautiful and I have never lusted after a machine before.

Nothing a little anxity can't cure.

So after spending a majority of my day yesterday taking care of two little boys who are cuter than can be, I finally got to be fully worried about starting my junior year. I mean its honestly really easy to forget about your worries while holding a baby. This year can have no screw ups. I need to do very well, I am trying to bring out my competitive edge this summer. I need to fight for a job in the OC area. And if I don't get one here, I'm going to try for chicago. I love it there so much. Never ending flow of love for the Chicago. But I don't get to get the first day of school over with until my teachers stop their strike. I don't disagree with the strike, I wish the powers at be would just give a little and let me get on with my year. I need to buy books and get supplies.
If they boosted our tuition up by 9 percent why can they not find the money for my teachers? ARG.

Does anyone have any plans for tomorrow? Want to hang out?

So I'm typing on my brothers laptop which is beautiful and one which I am admittedly fully jealous of. Tonight is a wonderful night. Why you may ask my inquisitive blog reader? Because David is spending the night. And because we are watching Zoolander after seeing Charlie Bartlett and I am fairly sure that we will be watching Big Fish and Garden State at one point. Believe me when I say Mac and Cheese will be made...wanna know why? because it is an amazing 2 am snack.

I am completely satisfied with how my day has gone. I woke up at nine, to a day that was gray in color and very cool, it felt like fall. Which according to my father is perfect door painting weather. So we painted doors until two, which is when I showered and Juliet came over. She and I traveled to Clarkston because that is literally the closest location of a Ruby Tuesdays. One of our top 4 restouraunts. We ate way too much, came home and watched Bizzar Foods. Until David and Andrea came over.

When they showed up we ventured out to carabou, to find some hot apple cider. So perfect for a day like to day. Then it was off to Andreas house to play with her Doggies. She has a 12 week old puppy who loves to biteee. but its okay because shes small and cute. She tried to eat Davids face, but who can blame her? its just so tasty looking. Then we came home made a tone of cheesey quasdias and watched Charlie Bartlett, which is an amazing film which everyone should see.

So that basically brings us up to now. Watching the end of Zoolander, and I must say after hearing relax this many times Im pretty much set until the next time someone has the overwhelming disire to watch this movie again.

School I'm finding really to be over whelming at the moment. And it hasn't even started yet.ughh I am horrible at Math. I mean it HORRIBLE. But this is what I want to do with my life. By the way, once school starts so does my healthy living campane. Seriously, I will not look like this when we go to Disney. I refuse to look and feel like crap for the rest of my life. I am so over this. I think my stress level will be helped by a good schedual and consistancy.

David leaves soon, this saddens me beyond words but everything will be okay. He assures me to that fact. And he's never lead me wrong before. So I am happy. I will live. I am strongggg.

i will blog and vlog tomorrow. i will i will i will

I am a bad blogger and vlogger. shame on me. big things happening this weekend. lets hope for a positive turn out.

day onein the windy city

Well, I made it. I should say we made it. My family arrived in Chicago around 2 o'clock here so really 3 in the good ol' ROC. My dad didn't yell SON OF BITCH once, which with how the traffic is here, is certainly an accomplishment.
We got settled into our hotel room which is not very big but it's the city. While we were walking around looking for a Macy's because we had to pick something up from there, I started to realize how much I enjoy Chicago atmosphere. I love pretty much everything pardoning the reaking smell coming up from the sewer. We went to Grant Park saw the Bean and I took a good amount of family photos there. Then we just walked...everywhere it feels like. I got a massive blister on the BOTTOM of my foot. Its like the size of a nickel. But we got this amazing second skin stuff that I can keep on for like a week even in the water and it gets rid of them. Which is borderline amazing in my book.
We saw these amazing boats in this boat club. They were like 3 levels and I was just in complete awe. I have seen some amazingly large stores. Gap was like 3 floors not even lieing. I cannot wait to visit my cousin at her townhouse on Wednesday she lives in Lincon Park. I will continue to update as the trip goes on!!

Deep Dish Pizza=amazing btw!

I find your exsistance in my life rather reassuring

I am terrible at updating this regularly enough for it to qualify as an accuret account of my life. But whatever, my life is not riviting enought to have a day to day detailed log written. But anyway, today was my recouperation day. Touching up my hair, painting my nails blood red, shaving my legs all that girly fun stuff. I've got two weeks off of work, so I'm giving my hair a break from being dried out. And as for the blood red nails they just suit my mood far better than my black with blue sparkles
In a little over a week I will be in Chicago with my family. Something I am greatly looking forward too. I've been there twice before once with my girl scout troop and the second time for a service project with my youth group. i am most looking forward to the Aquarium and seeing my Cousin in her town house. The shopping should be fun but other than buying like two shot glasses, one for Juliet and one for me because we are collecting them. And I should probably get one for Jimmy because he got me one.

And the weekend after we get back I'm going to Frankenmooth with some girls from work. Three days, two nights, and I am so amped up about it.

I love to doodle I wish there was a way I could do that on here.

This photo I love because for once I'm not smiling or making some messed up face. Which is not something that happens often.

List of things I need to buy before the summer is out:
New laptop
New cell phone
Things to tye-dye. woo

I will be writing a proper blog tomorrow, which is today. I'm so fail at this stuff.

Where'd I go?

Well blog land. The past 48 hours for me have been filled with woe, pain and experiences to back up my true distaste of hospitals.

I'm not saying that hospitals are horrible places by far...It's just that I have never felt fully comfortable in a hospital. Anyway I have been in so much pain I swear someone was cursing me for every bad thing I've done in my life and God was punishing me for skipping church. So finally I caved into my mothers argument and went to the ER with her. I was admitted for the night, and had blood work done and had an IV which by far was probably the worst part for me...

I am a giant baby when it comes to needles, I have swallowed that fear a few times because it goes by quickly or because of the blood shortage going on in the world. But honestly, every time I have given blood they have always been able to find my vain on the first go. How is it that they needed two people to find it in a hospital? Grr. They gave me fluids and morphine so I wouldn't bow in pain anymore. (as a side note my mother was with me the whole time.) I had to drink this horribly nasty liquid so they could do a CT scan. It turns out i have a genetic disorder called Colitis, which is the basic swelling of a bowel causing horrible pain and digestive issues.

I was given antibiotics and more pain killers and finally released around 2 o'clock the next day. I will say that hospitals do not have the best accommodations for sleep because my room was by the bathroom and doors kept being slammed shut. ughh.
I have never been so happy to see my messy bedroom before, and except for the slight hit of dizziness I've suffered from the meds I am doing a lot better and am glad now that I at least know whats wrong with me.

Its on to the onslaught of work and grad parties for me...o how will I survive?

so tomorrow I start work, like mega super work. 36 hours a week, I've done it before I'm just worried. About what? I donno bloggy. More later. xoxox

I love NCIS so much. Abby is my hero, shes sooo pretty and kick ass. Longer blog to come later.

.:One step forword:.

So I'm laying on my stomach, eating some cold spaghetti and watching Gilmore Girls season 5. It's a typical night for me, I went swimming with Kelley, made dinner and cleaned up. I am enjoying my life thus far. Shoe shopping with Elise tomorrow, new high heels perhaps and loads of quick paced talking in order to catch up while trying on devastatingly high heel shoes that we will regret buying the next time we try them on. So is life...right?

I miss being in a relationship, but any man I meet just doesn't light a fire under me like I think they should. Maybe its something that's wrong with me, maybe I expect love to be more powerful than it is? I blame the girlie movies I watch with my friends, see they all have man friends that they are all datey with and I do not. Perhaps its a design flaw. Eh..? I guess we won't know until I find the one?

Mmm spaghetti cold is so yummy. Just trust me virtual world, just have trust in me.