Alright, I have screwed up. I have screwed up in the past sure, but not to this level of idiocy. I have to call upon every amount of brain power I have to climb out of the pit of crap I have ever so nicely thrown myself into. So for the next two months I am going to have to go work harder than I ever have in a semester. Seriously this is so stupid. I cannot believe I just let this happen. And of course its happened at the worst possible time ever. Not saying that there ever is a good time for this. But whatever. I shall prevail, I hope.
Have put even more thought into doing NaNoWriMo even with this massive set back I allowed to occur. I really want to try doing it. And who knows maybe if I push myself to complete all the mandatory nonsense in my life I could get a good short novel on it. Maybe by using the lessons I have learned thus far in college. Or more exactly the lessons I have learned about myself in college. Now part of me is yelling inside my head, " Jenny! What the hell are you doing being in the computer lab typing up a blog entry? We have a ton of crap to wade through. And Fast!" And to my inner voice I reply simply, I need this. And that is true. Being able to write down exactly how I feel during a stressful point in my life has helped. And I kind of reguard this and all of my former blogs as a road map, looking for old pitfalls and avoiding them with the rage of a thousand suns. Or looking for signs of good things and craving there arrival more than I crave a non-stuffed nose. So basically I justify this time spent on the computer as a preventive measure against letting this happen again.
Another perk that has happened from my blogging is that my typing speed and spelling has improved. I now can type at the speed my mind works. Which is nice when you have ADD coupled with Dyslexia. I think this will come in handy later when I am trying to type up a few papers in time that it should not be possible in. Thank god for my ability to pull all nighters and still be able to edit my work as I am doing it. Is that weird? To edit while you write for the longest time my English teachers would say write first without criticism, second with your editor hat on. And I have never been able to comply with that. Blame it on the whole Dyslexic thing, I mean for years while taking notes or doing math problems I have had to stop and think about what I am writing realize a mistake in a matter of seconds and correct it for time saving and so I can keep up with the lecture. Or finish a test on time. So it is just my nature to edit what I write right away. I need to fix things that are super noticeable because knowing me in my rushed state of proofreading I will miss it and damned if I don't get points marked down.
Something I really have to just get out of my system is this program called Aleks my math class has to use. And it's not just my math class but all math 112 classes at OU. Taking a step back and only getting a brief description of the program makes it sound useful and helpful for the student. But if one was to venture further into the topic, one would discover that it, like so many things existing in the real world *cough points at self* is flawed. How is it flawed? Well, there apparently has been a break down in communication when it comes to the combining of in class lecture and the actual homework that is written and assigned on Aleks. Because For the past month and a half I have attended every class every lecture and every exam. I have even gotten extra help, but as soon as I sit at the family desktop to do the online homework it is as if someone has reached into my head and scooped out all the knowledge. I have now narrowed down the problem; It comes in two parts. The first part is that the notes we take and the group work that is done in class is far more simple than whats on the program. So with a false sense of confidence my classmates and I sit at home screaming because we thought we knew what we were doing an here comes a computer program that I sometimes feel was designed to suck the will to be nice out of my soul. The second part is that the homework won't even be nearly close to what we did in class that day. And while a teacher might justify this by saying we have a day and half to do it, and we can turn it in more than one time and they will take the highest grade. I will reply to that with this sentence that has been used a million times before, thus making it in my opinion tired and worn out. "I have more going on in my life than just this one class. I do not have all the time in the world to devote to your class." How will I do well if the homework repeatedly screws me out of the littlest bit of hope?
And lastly I leave you with this. School is not the most important thing in the world. Work is not the most important thing in the world. Your sanity is far more important. Find what keeps you sane. For me it ended up being a lovely combination of blogging, vlogging and swimming. Oh, and screaming as loud as I can when no ones home helps too.
I am off to go read more on authors who are not really engaging me mentally. If only there was a class based off youtube. I would surely ace it.
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